There is no sugar-coating what I’m about to say. This column is not written from a desk with a warm cup of coffee and the luxury of hindsight. It’s written from the trenches of lives forever altered. Lives that witnessed and endured the most unthinkable, and survived to speak out, not because it’s easy, but because it’s absolutely necessary.
As a father, my only goal was to keep my children safe. Like many parents, I thought being present, involved, and protective was enough. It wasn’t. What happened to my children happened in spite of my love, in spite of my prayers, and in spite of the fact that I was not absent or careless.
But what blindsided me was something many parents still don’t fully understand: the abuse of children today has evolved. It’s more deceptive. It’s more manipulative. It is expertly hidden behind screens, lies, and even familiar faces. And it’s time we stop pretending it only happens “somewhere else.”
This column serves two purposes. One, it’s a raw introduction to a book born from pain, courage, and truth (A true story that will be released soon.) And two, it’s a message to every parent, guardian, and caregiver out there: please, learn from our journey before you’re forced to walk one of your own.
1. The Modern Predator Doesn’t Knock on Your Door Anymore; They Slide into Your Child’s Social Media.
We have entered a digital era where predators no longer only or need to lurk in dark alleys or schoolyards. They now sit behind fake profiles on platforms like TikTok, Instagram, WhatsApp, Telegram, Facebook, and even online gaming communities. They hide behind fake filters. They speak like children. They sympathize, compliment, listen, and wait until your child opens up just enough to let them in.
This is not some sucked up theory. This is fact. I’ve lived it. My children have lived it. And I’ve witnessed countless families now broken by it.
These predators are patient. They groom children emotionally before they ever try to touch them physically. They build trust, isolate them, then manipulate and threaten them into silence. And the scariest part is, it works!! because they know how to operate beneath the radar of parents, teachers, and even therapists.
2. Children Rarely Say the Words; They Show You Instead
One of the greatest lies we’ve been fed is that a child will “tell someone” if something is wrong. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Most children don’t tell. They show. The problem is that many parents miss the early signs, dismiss the behaviours, or excuse them as “growing pains” or “attitude problems.”
So here is a detailed list of signs that a child may be experiencing abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, or psychological.) Read this carefully. Memorize it. And never assume you know your child too well to need it.
Physical signs (not always present):
– Unexplained bruises, burns, or injuries in unusual places
– Pain, bleeding, or infections in the genital area
– Sudden difficulty sitting or walking
– Frequent unexplained stomach aches or headaches
– Drastic changes in appetite or eating habits
– Bedwetting or nightmares (most especially if they’ve previously stopped)
Emotional/Behavioral signs:
– Sudden withdrawal from friends or family
– A noticeable drop in school performance or interest in activities
– Expressions of low self-worth, guilt, shame, or self-blame
– Excessive secrecy, particularly about online activity or friends
– Refusing to be left alone with certain people
– Aggressive behavior, extreme mood swings, or self-harm
– Displaying knowledge of sexual behavior beyond their age
Social/Communication signs:
– Spending excessive time online, particularly late at night
– Becoming defensive or anxious when asked about online interactions
– Use of slang or language they shouldn’t know at their age
– Talking about “a new friend” they’ve never met in person
– Receiving gifts, money, or items from unknown sources
– Deleting messages or frequently clearing browsing history
If even one of these signs appears and feels out of place, don’t brush it off. Don’t wait. Ask questions, stay calm, and let your child know they are safe, that nothing they say will ever change your love for them, and mean it!!!
3. Safety Starts at Home, Not at the Police Station
When my children eventually opened up to me, the damage had already been done. I can’t undo it. But I can use what I’ve learned to stop it from happening to others.
We have to move past fear and denial. Talk to your children about abuse before someone else teaches them about it the hard way. Normalize discussions about consent, body safety, online grooming, and emotional manipulation. Make these conversations age-appropriate, but consistent.
Let your children know:
– No adult or peer should ever ask them to keep secrets from their parents.
– No one has the right to touch their body or make them feel uncomfortable.
– If someone threatens them, it’s not their fault, and they should tell you immediately.
– They can say “no” to anyone, even a relative, a teacher, or a family friend if something feels wrong.
Your voice needs to be louder than the one trying to harm them. That means you have to talk often, openly, and without shame. There should be nothing embarrassing about it.
4. Parenting in 2025 Requires More Than Love; It Requires extreme Vigilance
It’s not enough to just love our children. We need to be educated. We need to be digitally literate. We need to understand that giving a child unsupervised access to the internet is like handing them a loaded gun and hoping they don’t pull the trigger, And that’s the honest truth, doing that is like playing Russian roulette with your own child’s life.
Here are some practical simple steps every parent should take:
– Use parental controls on all devices. Learn how they work. Update them often.
– Regularly check browsing history, messages, and app usage (without being invasive , be very transparent about it).
– Keep devices out of bedrooms overnight. (Lock them in a drawer in your room)
– Create a no-secret rule in your home If possible, no one should ever ask your child to hide messages, photos, or relationships.
– Educate yourself on grooming tactics, online exploitation, and how predators operate.
– Be approachable. The more judgmental or angry your reaction, the more likely your child will hide things from you.
-And above all else – family time, family time, family time! I cannot stress this enough. Spend real, uninterrupted time with your children. Go to the park, take a walk on the beach, sit and talk. Leave the movies, switch off the TV, disconnect from the internet and social media, just be present with them. That one-on-one connection is one of the most powerful investments you can make in your child’s life. Nothing replaces it. Nothing is more important.
5. You’re Not Alone; But You Must Choose to Stand
Many people will read this and feel overwhelmed. They’ll feel fear, anger, guilt, or even denial. I understand – I lived all of those emotions. But you have a choice. You can freeze in fear, or you can act in love.
You do not have to be a perfect parent. You just have to be an available one. A present one. An informed one. A brave one.
You may not be able to change the whole world, but you can change your child’s world. And that is where it starts.
Coming Soon: A Book That Speaks Where Others Stay Silent
This column barely scratches the surface of what we lived through , and what many others still face behind closed doors. My upcoming book, “UNCHAINED – A Father’s Fight Against Child Sexual Abuse and Exploitation. Giving Children a Voice Through a Broken Justice System,” is a deeply personal account that exposes not just the abuse, but the system that failed us, and the lessons we learned the hard way.
We must be the voices, because silence is no longer an option. We must speak not only for our own children, but for every child who has been silenced by fear, shame, or injustice. The voices of victims like the Ladies in the Omotoso case, the horrors exposed by Cwecwe, little Joslin Smith, my own children, and countless others, these are the voices we must keep alive. Because if we fail to do so, we allow the abusers to win. We allow the system to keep failing. We allow another child to suffer in silence.
Let our voices be louder than the shame. Let our actions, our strength, our love be louder than our fear. And let our courage be the legacy that protects the next child from ever having to live this nightmare.
This is written for every parent, every survivor, and every leader who wants to make a difference. It offers insights, solutions, practical advice, and above all, hope.
Non-Fiction Disclaimer:
This is a work of non-fiction. The events, experiences, and lessons detailed in this book reflect the author’s real-life journey. In order to protect the privacy and safety of all individuals involved including the author’s family, all names, locations, and identifying details have been changed. The core message, however, remains untouched: the fight to protect our children must be taken seriously. No matter the cost.